I expected to feel homesick during my time abroad. I expected that at one point I would wish I could be in my own bed back at home, see familiar faces and be able to have a coffee at my go-to spots, but that feeling never came.
At least, not until I got on the plane heading back to California.
I felt truly homesick leaving London. The person I was leaving on my flight back home was not the same person who had arrived with two suitcases and a backpack a few months earlier.
Arriving home after studying abroad in the spring 2026 semester, I felt more unconnected to home than I ever had. I mourned the nights of going to Tuesday trivia with friends I made from different states almost 3,000 miles away, having to remember to switch to the correct line while taking the tube and getting to show a hometown friend the London I experienced. I felt at a total loss coming back home.
In California, there were so many familiar faces and familiar places, but it was not the same life I had in the city I called home for the past four months. I found myself having to readjust to what used to be my normal — reminding myself to look for eggs in the refrigerated section again rather than room-temperature shelves. If there were two plus sides to this change, I could at least get cold foam and ranch again.
What I miss most about London is the walkability. Not only was the public transportation easy to use, but I found myself walking most of the time. London’s street layouts made it easy for me to explore the city without the need for a car, something the infrastructure in the United States unfortunately does not. It was a huge shock to see gas stations on every corner again.
Writing this feels like throwing words onto a page and hoping they will stick, but as Jane Austen wrote in her classic novel, “Emma,” “If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.” I could describe having to get up and leave at four in the morning to catch a Ryanair flight, the endless card games played in various places, visiting every museum London has to offer, the parks and how walkable everywhere is, the last outing my group did together as we sang “Don’t Look Back in Anger,” but it only leaves a pit in my stomach and a sharp cut through my heart.
When I think of the word bittersweet, London and studying abroad come to mind. Leaving London felt like losing a part of me, a longing for a place 5,419 miles away.
When I tell others about my favorite moments abroad, I find myself talking about experiences I would find mundane back home. Going to the grocery store and going to classes went from chores to treasures. I discovered new places, favorite items from grocery stores (shoutout to M&S peach iced tea) and was taught by professors from a different country with different experiences.
To miss something that is still there, that is still moving in time just without you in it, is a different kind of painful longing. But there is also beauty and gratitude to being a part of the city’s culture, daily life and experiences and to be immersed, for a moment, in a new cultural experience. Not only in London, but in every country I visited during my time abroad. While there is heartbreak in leaving, there is immense gratitude for the experience and all it taught me.
